That’s how long we’ve been waiting for a court date since we were matched with our girl.
Ten months ago I didn’t think we’d be here… still waiting. Who would of thought. Oh my heart! Its been LONG. So full of hope and anticipation. Full of disappointment and pain as time passes and silence remains.
The timing has not been at all what I expected, hoped, dreamed, or desired. As the days and months passed, my prayers went from bring her home soon, to YOUR WILL be done.
Yet when He called us unto Him, he didn’t promise a pain-free road to instant gratification of our hopes and dreams, stress-free work, or strife-free relationships. Nope. Instead, he foretold of trials of many kinds… WITH the promise of His faithfulness in the unknown, His presence in the darkest hour, His hope when hope seems to be no more, and His completion.
I love the words of scripture in Philippians when Paul writes He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion. Friends, truth be told, when moments come where I feel like she will never come home… when my arms just ache to feel her… when my ears ring to hear the sound of her voice… and my heart longs her here with us, I literally tell myself these words: “He WILL finish what He started. He will keep His promise.” To this I hold steadfast.
[Can I tell you how much I miss her?! I miss her something fierce, folks.]
These lyrics in the song below, The Lord Our God, has ministered to my heart during these many months of waiting; of missing… missing her, missing moments, missing milestones. Its darn tough. So, I just love the reminder of God’s goodness and faithfulness in the dry, silent desert. When it feels as those progress has not been made, the Lord is still at work. For He doesn’t stop working, He doesn’t change, and He never fails us. Hallelujah!! He DOES have a purpose for this wait.
Promise maker, promise keeper
You finish what You begin
Our provision through the desert
You see it through ‘til the end
You see it through ‘til the end
The Lord our God is ever faithful
Never changing through the ages
From this darkness
You will lead us
And forever we will say
You’re the Lord our God
In the silence, in the waiting
Still we can know You are good
All Your plans are for Your glory
Yes, we can know You are good
Yes, we can know You are good
We trust You, we trust You
A week ago, yesterday, you turned TWO baby girl!!
~ June 10, 2013 ~
It’s taken me a whole week to sit down and write about your birthday. YOUR special day. I think I’ve been avoiding this post because it it only reminds me that we aren’t there and you’re not here. You see, we REALLY wanted to be in Uganda by your second birthday. We wanted to meet you in your birthday month. We wished, hoped, and prayed to be there by now!! We just LONG for you, sweet girl! So we are disappointed to say the least.
But let me tell you, daughter of mine, we CELEBRATED YOU that day!!!
I made the Zimmerman family birthday tradition of “mashed potatoes and dirt” in place of birthday cake. You’ll come to love this dessert in the birthdays ahead, just like your mommy. :)
I brought it over to your Grandma and Grandpa Z’s and we celebrated you with them and your Great-Grandma Zim. We sang you Happy Birthday and your Grandpa Z prayed a special birthday blessing over you. We pray for a tender heart for the Lord and years of walking in love with Him. And we pray you HOME, sweet girl!!
Oh how I just long to hold you in my arms. To wrap my arms around your neck. To kiss that beautiful face of yours.
This wait, its HARD. Its tough having a big piece of our hearts across the world. To have you, OUR CHILD, in another country growing without us with each passing day. I want to see your growth, your changes. We have already missed so much!
And yet, our Uga-babe, I must tell you something. And I don’t want you to ever forget it, okay?
~ Your Heavenly Father is NEVER late; he is ALWAYS on time ~
I recently read this truth from a fellow adoptive momma’s blog, and it has ministered to my heart so much during this season of waiting and longing for you.
You see, NONE of this is a surprise to God. NONE of this is outside what He wills. He knows the exact day that you will become one of us. An Alexander. And it will not be a moment too soon, or a moment too late.
To this truth, my daughter, we CLING.
Oh how we love you so much!! I can’t express the love your daddy and I have for you. We are beyond grateful for you. And just think, baby girl, this love we have you is only a fraction of the Lord’s heart for you! You mustn’t forget that either, baby girl.
Each time I look at your picture, my heart is so full of gratitude and thanksgiving. I am so humbled that we GET to be YOUR mommy and daddy! God is so so so good. He gives such perfect gifts to His children.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UGA-BABE!!
Love, Momma and Daddy
Today is Mother’s Day.
Although you are often in my thoughts, and so very much in our hearts, I have been thinking most especially of you today.
For you, baby girl, have made me a MOTHER this year! And although you are not yet here with us physically, you are very much ours in EVERY.SINGLE.WAY. And we are YOURS. You have a family. You have a momma. You belong.
We are family.
So today, on Mother’s Day,
1. I am thankful for your birth mother who gave you LIFE.
2. I am thankful for your foster mother who is caring for you until we can.
3. I pray that your foster mother is showing you the book we made you, and reminding you that your mom and dad are coming for you. Soon. And that their hearts are bursting with love for you!
Because today, this mother is missing her DAUGHTER.
As we wait for a court date, I’ve been recently asked on different occasions if there is a chance that we could be denied guardianship and never bring our girl home. and the answer is yes. with any international adoption there is always that risk. i’ve read the stories. my mama heart for our girl, of course, doesn’t want that to happen! but this question made me really search my heart.
From the beginning we were aware of the many risks involved in international adoption; all the way down to denial of guardianship. and we still say yes. we are now at the point in the process where we are just waiting for the courts to invite us for a ruling. more than likely it will be in our favor, but there is still that small possibility it won’t. i don’t say this because i’m afraid or worried. but more to express that i’m, in fact, the complete opposite.
Our prayer from day one, throughout our whole process and journey, is that the Lord’s Will prevails above all. Yes, with ALL my heart, I want our girl home and in our lives. But it’s only in His will that our lives (and hers too) will be right and fruitful. I can’t express the longing I have to hold her, love her, and be present in her life. this love for her? it’s deep. and great. but you know what I’ve discovered? Deep down, into the very pits of my heart and the core of my being, i only want the very BEST for her. In ALL of life. So if that means that it’s in Uganda, I want that for her. I REALLY do. Oh, how I’d hate to lose her! But this love that my heart holds for her, surpasses my will. I love her too much and too deep to have her have anything less than His will and His best. for ultimately, as i’ve said before, our Uga-babe is only ours to love and guide; entrusted to us by her Heavenly Father to whom she first belongs.
I express this not to toot my own horn, but to demonstrate the heart the Lord has given us for this girl. This could only come from Him. i would not feel this way under my own selfish strength!
So as I reflect on what’s to come and our pending court date, my heart’s prayer is this: for His will to be done, the grace to accept it, and the strength to walk in it.
Come what may.
It came!! It finally came!! We got THREE new photos of you yesterday!! We are overjoyed!
Hands down, girl, you are the most beautiful toddler in this entire world!! And I’m not bias or anything, really. :)
In the first photo you are hugging your foster mama. LOVE. I can’t tell you how much this warms my heart; or how special it is to have this photo of you both, demonstrating your love for one another. You will treasure this some day for sure.
In the next two photos you are holding your [white] baby doll. You are such a girl… a little mama. :) Of course what girl doesn’t love dolls? :) Don’t worry, sweet girl, I have two african dolls that I bought you back in 2009 in Benin when we “knew in our hearts” that adoption was how the Lord was going to grow our family first. It was shortly after God spoke to my heart that our first child would not be born of my womb, but out of my heart. Whether we would be matched with a little girl or a little boy, our african child was going to have an african doll. :) They are even complete with a baby on the back!
In all three pictures you are wearing a white dress with white socks and shoes. Again, love. I have a feeling they told your foster mama that they would be coming to take your picture, so she dressed you in your very best. Love it.
You are as still as sweet as ever! We both noticed that you have grown so much since the first picture! You have lost some of your ‘baby cheeks.’ [sigh] I can’t stop staring at these new photos. I still can’t believe that you are ours… we feel so very, very RICHLY blessed! Its so hard to explain this love that we already have for you; this God-given miraculous love that he has placed in our hearts for a daughter we have never ever met. Crazy how your short little life has already brought such joy to ours.
Oh how I want to hold you something fierce, sweet child of mine.
Soon, Uga-babe, prayerfully soon.
Well, we are getting really good at waiting friends! Let’s be honest, this was not an area in my life that I wanted to perfect. :) But fortunately His ways are infallible, sweet, and ALWAYS good. So, we continue to wait for a court date. Its been five months since we were blessed with our daughter! And we were told court could take 6 to 8 months. So we are CLOSE, folks!! But can I just tell you that this kind of waiting is HARD at times?
Our baby girl turns TWO in June! So we continue to earnestly pray for a summer court date! We would LOVE for you to join us in praying for this too. Oh how we LONG for her… my lack of writing is not because we are discouraged or disinterested . Its honestly just hard to put into words our hearts during this time. She has filled a space in our hearts that is incomparable. And, at the same time, has created a new void in our life that seems to get bigger and bigger with each passing day…
Yet our hope is in Christ! A risen Lord of all who is ALIVE!
Thanks for continuing to follow along! And we appreciate your prayers in advance, friends!