come what may (100th post)

As we wait for a court date, I’ve been recently asked on different occasions if there is a chance that we could be denied guardianship and never bring our girl home. and the answer is yes. with any international adoption there is always that risk. i’ve read the stories. my mama heart for our girl, of course, doesn’t want that to happen! but this question made me really search my heart.

From the beginning we were aware of the many risks involved in international adoption; all the way down to denial of guardianship. and we still say yes. we are now at the point in the process where we are just waiting for the courts to invite us for a ruling. more than likely it will be in our favor, but there is still that small possibility it won’t. i don’t say this because i’m afraid or worried. but more to express that i’m, in fact, the complete opposite.

Our prayer from day one, throughout our whole process and journey, is that the Lord’s Will prevails above all. Yes, with ALL my heart, I want our girl home and in our lives. But it’s only in His will that our lives (and hers too) will be right and fruitful. I can’t express the longing I have to hold her, love her, and be present in her life. this love for her? it’s deep. and great. but you know what I’ve discovered? Deep down, into the very pits of my heart and the core of my being, i only want the very BEST for her. In ALL of life. So if that means that it’s in Uganda, I want that for her. I REALLY do. Oh, how I’d hate to lose her! But this love that my heart holds for her, surpasses my will. I love her too much and too deep to have her have anything less than His will and His best. for ultimately, as i’ve said before, our Uga-babe is only ours to love and guide; entrusted to us by her Heavenly Father to whom she first belongs.

I express this not to toot my own horn, but to demonstrate the heart the Lord has given us for this girl. This could only come from Him. i would not feel this way under my own selfish strength!

So as I reflect on what’s to come and our pending court date, my heart’s prayer is this: for His will to be done, the grace to accept it, and the strength to walk in it.

Come what may.

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your doll

It came!! It finally came!! We got THREE new photos of you yesterday!! We are overjoyed!

Hands down, girl, you are the most beautiful toddler in this entire world!! And I’m not bias or anything, really. :)

In the first photo you are hugging your foster mama. LOVE. I can’t tell you how much this warms my heart; or how special it is to have this photo of you both, demonstrating your love for one another. You will treasure this some day for sure.

In the next two photos you are holding your [white] baby doll. You are such a girl… a little mama. :) Of course what girl doesn’t love dolls? :) Don’t worry, sweet girl, I have two african dolls that I bought you back in 2009 in Benin when we “knew in our hearts” that adoption was how the Lord was going to grow our family first. It was shortly after God spoke to my heart that our first child would not be born of my womb, but out of my heart. Whether we would be matched with a little girl or a little boy, our african child was going to have an african doll. :) They are even complete with a baby on the back!

In all three pictures you are wearing a white dress with white socks and shoes. Again, love.  I have a feeling they told your foster mama that they would be coming to take your picture, so she dressed you in your very best. Love it.

You are as still as sweet as ever! We both noticed that you have grown so much since the first picture! You have lost some of your ‘baby cheeks.’ [sigh] I can’t stop staring at these new photos. I still can’t believe that you are ours… we feel so very, very RICHLY blessed! Its so hard to explain this love that we already have for you; this God-given miraculous love that he has placed in our hearts for a daughter we have never ever met. Crazy how your short little life has already brought such joy to ours.

Oh how I want to hold you something fierce, sweet child of mine.

Soon, Uga-babe, prayerfully soon.