her heart

since day one of our adoption journey, we have prayed many a prayer for our Uga-babe. these prayers were mainly for her protection and health as we didn’t know her living situation or her circumstances. and although, these were important, i found myself most burdened to pray for her heart. we didn’t know what the circumstances were going to be that would collide our two worlds, join our stories, and make us family.

but what we did know was that hurt and grief were inevitable. she was going to, or already had, experienced great loss in order to make her eligible for international adoption. and this pained me deeply. i am so concerned with her little tender heart. every fiber in my being wants to protect her from the brokenness of this world. from the evil. from the hurt. all nineteen months of her has already been exposed to this at some level. oh, be still my heart!

and yet, can i tell you how gracious God is? and the peace that he has given me! i know that it could be so different (i tend to be a little bit of a worrier). and she’s not institutionalized in an orphanage, but with a foster couple. oh how gracious is He! i can honestly tell you i have not worried about her throughout this whole journey. i can’t take any credit for that, its only by the grace and portion that He has given me. he has allowed me to find rest and peace in his sovereignty. i cling tightly to the promise that it is He that holds her. she belongs to him first. he heard her first cry when she entered this big world. he intimately knows her heart.

although the wait is long… so very long… it will happen at just the right time; in her life, and in ours. although i know we have already missed so much of her little life, he knows (and wills) the exact age she will be when she becomes an Alexander. oh, how i long to see her grow! and yet it will not happen a moment too soon or a moment too late. please gently remind me of this when i grow weary.

If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed. Habakkuk 2:3

so i do the only thing this momma can do: i continue to pray. earnestly. and since the day we learned of our daughter, my prayers have been even more specific. as she grows and develops, so is her heart and her character. they say by age 2, a child has developed their whole view/sense of the world: whether its loving and safe, or scary and insecure, etc. we are not there to protect her, to show her our love; to influence her heart or help build, and model, character.

so i have most recently been praying the fruits of the Spirit over her heart. daily. that even now, she is building character after Him:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control

(Galations 5:22)

i just love the lyrics of a song i recently heard: